Have you ever been at a place in your life where you are tired all of the time?
Just bone tired, weary, down-deep-inside tired?
That’s the way life is for me right now.
I’m trying to do so many things that I just can’t seem to handle all of them…and yet, I feel that God wants me to do all of them right now so I just can’t drop something.
I don’t watch tv, I don’t surf the web for fun (I do read certain Christian blogs and check up on the news–about twice a week), I’m not spending time with friends. It’s also not busy-ness keeping me busy…I’m not a member of any club, I’m not teaching a Sunday School class…nothing like that. Understand, there are things like that that I would like to be doing right now…but I just can’t. I’m only managing about 6 hours of sleep most nights as it is.
It isn’t frivolity of any sort that’s doing me in. I’m simply trying to follow God’s leading for my life. I believe with all of my heart that, contrary to what we are frequently told, our Lord will sometimes allow us to have more on our plate than we can handle. Why wouldn’t He? If His grace is made manifest in our weakness, then why not in our weariness, too?
When we are overwhelmed…when money is short and bills are high…when there are more little ones to take care of than we have arms to hold them…when we have to turn in one more report at work and it’s already five o’clock…when our professors pile on the assignments and we are working two jobs…when we are sick but the jobs keep piling up anyway…
That’s when we are humbled by our weakness, our frailness, our in-the-face humanity. It’s when we are most humbled that our need for Christ shines the greatest. That’s where I am right now. I can’t make it a single second without Him. I know that all of the time, of course, but right now it is a glaring reality. There’s simply too much to do…and too little me to do it.
I can’t drop a thing…and I am glad. I used to think that, no matter what I was doing, I should have been doing something else. Guilt was my continual companion. No matter how hard I tried, I was sure that I could never do enough. Now I know for sure that I can’t do enough; because of the overload in my life and my inability to tackle it, when it gets done, my God is glorified. Through the years and seasons of my life, the Lord has taught me to be fully involved in whatever moment I am in. Through His love He has taught me to live deliberately. I am to be where He put me and give my very best to it. The frivolous falls away and all that is left is necessity. The necessity may, for a time, be overwhelming to me but it is never overwhelming to Him.
While I can do nothing on my own, He can do everything. When I trust in Him, though my days are long and tiring, He brings me through with gladness. When the mountain is the highest, He exhibits the greatest strength on my behalf…because I trust in Him.
I am homeschooling five children (1st grade through 10th grade). My older sons are starting a business and need my help with it. We moved a little over a month ago and are attempting to get completely settled (in our home, our town, our church). I have two blogs…both are important since both are for God. I have a husband and three older sons who love to eat, plus four younger ones who do eat…I mostly cook from scratch and I do the vast majority of the cooking–three times a day, seven days a week for 9 people. Then there is house-keeping (which my children share in), Bible study (the first hour of my day), prayer (many hours as I go through my day), other study/reading, being mommy and being a wife. Plus, my husband is out of work right now (and has been for the last several months) so money is very tight (and, since everything costs money or time…keeping things going on so little also taxes my time).
Am I over-loaded? Yes, absolutely. Am I miserable? No, definitely not. See, it’s when I can’t do anything but lean on my Lord that I feel Him the most.
It’s not just having warm fuzzy feelings when I think about God that is important but knowing that when I call out to Him, He’s there. When I pray long and hard for something and then see Him perform it, I am awed. When we need something and I go to my Father and ask for it and then it appears the next day–I know without a doubt, it was Him. It’s praying like crazy for God to maximize my efforts and seeing more get accomplished that was ever even remotely possible for me to do–and I know I didn’t do it, He did. It’s seeing my husband’s prayers that we might live near his elderly parents once more be answered; it’s knowing that our God has graciously allowed us to be able to spend more time with my in-laws in the last month than we have been able to spend with them in the last several years.
If we are overwhelmed, if life is too much too often…we need to learn to trust in the only One Who will never fail us and to lean on the ever-lasting arms. He has the answer. He is the answer, always. As He gives us grace in our weakness will He shed forth His grace in our weariness. He Who never fails those who trust in Him and obey Him will never fail in this, either.